Life as News

Life & Byline
(my life is a daily newspaper)

Today’s (coded) Headlines;

A whisper strewn like a bag of marbles
on your hard wood and crawling
to your toes, kid, so be safe.
Buy extra socks!

Entertainment

My Creativity is Matt Damon’s Character in Good Will Hunting!

It twists and turns and
makes fun of the asshole at the bar
who just wants a degree to be a dickhead.

I have drunkenly sung Pulp’s
Common People at least twice
In some random neighbourhood.
No future shows planned or booked though.

Other News

The country is falling into
piles of pawn shops and palaces
Peppering the the top of the pile are

Idiots kicking bigger
holes than their buddies in the
sand just to be tough!

Local

The disease known as heart seems
To have won the right to speak later
today at the woman debate.

The testosterone rebels are of course
planning action and have no intention
of being “pussy whipped or any of that gay shit”
one source noted.

Personal Ads

The woman from Fight Club with her
nitrate and her loneliness.

The gushy feeling from the
jersey solidarity scene in Rudy.

The theme song for Cheers.

World Events

A butterfly is introduced to
corporate rock and goes back
to being a caterpillar.

A bunch of animals get further encroached.
Something dies that gets put on a different
endangered “tier”.

Snakes get shot in fields.

Employment

Chicken catching has been declared
the least responded to job posting, ever.

(Additionally, only 9 percent of first day workers return.)

The people who run Money Mart have
bought all the temp services, and
essentially own the new market.

Someone somewhere, gets richer.
A junky does the funky down the street.
This is metropolitan life, after all.

Weather

Don’t go out.
Plenty to do right here.
Snow.

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5 comments

  1. I really like this one. It’s very engaging (kicks nun down flight of stairs while listening to ‘Stand By Me’). Very nice structuring.

      1. you need to change a setting so that people get notified when you respond to a comment because I didn’t (rips duck-tape off of bosses mouth).

      2. Thats because the response I dispatch to you comes from the skies in a reign of hellfire. Everyone else just gets regular notifying.

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